


So Cold

by Amazingsince97



Category: Degrassi the Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-11 02:49:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2050686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amazingsince97/pseuds/Amazingsince97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone always talks about seeing the light when they die...</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I don't support suicide and I'm NOT trying to glorify it in any way, hope you like it.

He tried. He really did try. He didn't care what anyone thought of him as long as they knew that he hadn't just given up immediately. He's gone through so much. Lost his best friend, killed his girlfriend (he didn't care how many people told him otherwise that was his fault), he scared Clare away, he doesn't understand how she's stayed around him for so long, he's grateful, but he still doesn't understand. 

 

He knows. He knows he told Mr. Simpson and his dad that he was fine, but he's not. He always knew he wasn't fine, but seeing Cam, innocent, young little Cam dead in the greenhouse is what planted the seed into his mind. Cam was a fighter, he always put up a good fight, until he just couldn't anymore. 

 

Cam didn't do bad things, bad things just ended up happening to him. Eli did bad things, he did a lot of bad things, far too many to keep up with. Cam didn't deserve death, but at least he wasn't hurting anymore. That's was Eli doesn't understand. All of these people who relentlessly tortured Cam while he was alive are now feeling awful and just so sorry now that he's dead. In reality, no one feels bad for Cam, they all feel bad for themselves. 

 

Everyone is always so caught up in someone else's flaws to realize their own. Eli can see his flaws, and there are a lot, too many to fix. Right now, in this moment, it feels like the sun is suffocating him and burning his body to a crisp. It feels like the blood in his veins have turned to fire and he knows it won't be long now. 

 

He hopes his dad and Clare will understand. Their the reason he decided to do this. They don't deserve to carry his baggage. They deserve to live their lives happily not worrying about him every few seconds. He hopes they'll move quickly. 

 

Everyone always talks about seeing the light when they die, but all Eli sees is darkness.


End file.
